Evidence that a little bit of legal knowledge can go a long way...
Some years ago, my father, who sadly passed away very suddenly 18 months ago, gave me a holiday surprise when he presented me with the following composition. He had no legal training whatsoever...
"From our Special Correspondent - Nina Talksalot." [by W. Ralph Knowles]
December 24.
Today the Supreme Court made a special emergency ruling in the case of Santa Claus v. FedEx. The Court found in favor of Santa Claus by a five to three majority (Justice Ebenezer Scrooge recused himself following public statements denouncing Christmas as "Humbug").
The majority opinion was written by Justice Robert Cratchit. The Court rejected the decision of the Texas Supreme Court which rules that the monopoly of Christmas present deliveries by Santa Claus violated the Texas State Constitution. Further, the Texas Court ruled that Santa Claus had created a precedent for deliveries by other organizations by his proposal to use other members of the Claus family to make deliveries to some homes.
The United States Supreme Court ruled that it has jurisdiction in the case as the deliveries constitute interstate commerce. The Court further ruled that the monopoly is acceptable for such an established tradition, quoting the precedent of the monopoly granted to baseball. The Court recognized that the growth in the population created a severe overload on Santa Claus and extended the monopoly to dependent Clauses and subordinate Clauses.
The minority opinion was written by Justice William Grinch and argued that this was not interstate commerce since no payments were made to Santa Claus for the deliveries, and hence the Texas Supreme Court ruling should stand. The minority opinion also observed that the deliveries unfairly discriminated against "bad children."
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